I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize