I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
