Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize