Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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