I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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