You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize