he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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