So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
