I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
