So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
