please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
