He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
