i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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