She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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