I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
