Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
