:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize