he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize