After last night, I could never be a politician.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
