At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize