If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize