tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
