I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
