ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
