You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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