Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
