Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
