I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just invented taco cereal.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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