i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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