Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize