And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
