i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
