were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
