Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
