she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
