I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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