is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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