pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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