So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
