after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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