a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
