So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
