people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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