Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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