at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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