I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
