i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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