Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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