peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
