32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
