me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
