just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
