Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
