I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
