I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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