we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
