it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
