those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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