ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize