Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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