This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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