Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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