there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
