i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
