so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
