There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
