tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
