wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
