come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
