I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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